I would like to share my joy with all the grandparents and tell them to 
"hang in there". 

I thought this time would never come.  Finally, after 5 years I have Full 
Custody of my grandchild.  Oh, I realize it is not over legally until they 
are 18 years old, but for now we have an opportunity for a life without the 
constant interference and problems of drug addicted divorced parents.  Until 
last week the child had to enter that drug infested environment on regular 
visitation. Now that has ceased, (a miracle in itself in our state).  The 
child has gotten older and was now a victim to the drug addict behavior of 
the parents.  I am sure other grandparents have seen the time when the 
child's possessions were taken, (disappeared and were pawned).  Placing 
blame on the child, "you must have left it somewhere, you need to take 
better care of your things" is now recognized by this child.  It is so hard 
to see your grandbaby torn apart by people who claim to love them and insist 
they have the POWER because they ARE the BIRTHparents.  You would like to 
tell this child how bad the parents really are, but this is a child and 
those are his/her parents.  You can't.  So you listen and hold them with all 
your love. 

Until these last five years I thought all children belonged with their 
parents.  I thought parenting was built in with giving birth.  It's NOT, 
when your God is drugs and your life is consumed with your SELF. 

This has been the toughest five years of my life, but it has been for more 
rewarding, each day, every day, than anything I ever expected in my 
lifetime.  My sole purpose was to do the best job possible to parent this 
grandchild.  I tried to learn everything I could from all the professionals 
in the field and therefore, give this child every opportunity to be a secure 
independent young person.  This child is a joy.  I have been priviledged to 
share in every accomplishment, everything from loosing the baby teeth, 
learning to ride a bike, and overall seeing this child develop into a 
terrific student and young person.  The love from this child is 
overwhelming.  It has not been easy for the child.  The child has felt a lot 
of sadness, disappointment, and anger and with the help of a terrific 
psychologist and counselor is continuing to learn coping skills.  We realize 
that these will be his/her parents the rest of his/her life and no court can 
change that for him/her.  But, we can help the child learn to deal with it 
and cope with the on going problems. 

I would like to pass on what an older neighbor of mine told me several years 
ago, "YOU HAVE TO DECIDE BETWEEN YOUR GRANDCHILD AND YOUR CHILD."  For me 
that was basically pretty easy.  My child was grown, 30+ years old. He is a 
drug addict. I could be used by him.  I could enable him and at first, I did 
just that.  Oh, it tore at my heart, but I can't help him. Then, I turned 
him over to God.  I truly feel that God has given me this opportunity to be 
an influence, to teach, and more importantly to love this precious 
grandchild, a true gift from God.

Notes from my experience to Grandparents:

*       My 24 hours a day is "what is the best" for this child's health and 
development.  Always conscious of this child's feelings, thoughts, 
temperment, and behavior.  You listen and sense how things really are. My 
schedule was based around child's school and sports schedules. 

*       Attorney was recommended by another grandparent who had experienced 
a similar situation.  Expensive, but in that first visit straightforwardly 
told me about addicts and what was necessary first.  Legally, he was the 
boss and I was to raise the child. 

*       With the onset of problems that told me the child needed help, I 
asked the attorney and he recommended a well known psychologist and one who 
is respected by the courts.  From the psychologist, I tried to learn 
everything I could to help the development and self-esteem of this child. 

*       Pictures and notes:  Record everything.  First I used a daily 
planner to write times and notes in.  When possible write exact statements 
and record all phone conversations.  (Surprising, there gets to be a pattern 
and something insignificant becomes pertinent information. Get you a supply 
of incoming phone tapes.)  A couple of years ago I helped my time element as 
well as getting better organized by using Microsoft Outlook Calendar to note 
our schedule and enter all notes of arrivals and returns from visitation 
with notes about conversations on that date.  (Each date is easily printed 
to give to the attorney, with emphasis on things important.)  Keep the names 
and addresses of all persons associated with the child, (teachers, coaches, 
leaders) and any notes about their experiences with the child and especially 
the experiences when the parent is involved. 

*       Patience has been a hard one for me working with the attorney and 
our court system.  When the child is in imminent danger I wanted relief and 
safety for him immediately.  It doesn't work that way.  You are considered 
an over protective grandparent.  You pray a lot.  My attorney told me the 
positive thing is that you still have the child.  That was not enough when 
he was in danger, but we made it and learned that it was important to "still 
have the child". 

*       Enroll in parenting classes through your school, your church, and/or 
a local agency. In addition to the added support it looks good on the record 
and may be useful to the attorney. 

*       Work closely with the child's school and school counselor.  School 
should be a safe haven for the child and daily attendance is mandatory. 

        It appears to me that the five year time element was important.  As 
the parents temporarily appeared to make progress with the recovery from 
their addiction, they inevitablly relapsed, accumulating additional 
problems.  Grandchild and I have both steadily gone on, learning a lot in 
this time period and have accomplished lots of wonderful things.  His 
positive growth and excelling in his education was also beneficial as we 
entered this final hearing.  Although it was my responsibility to get notes 
and information to my attorney, my primary responsibility was to have a 
happy, structured, secure, well-rounded loving household and environment for 
this child.  On the other hand, the attorney was responsible for all the 
legal and with a terrific staff he did just that.  This last year there was 
an added blessing.  The attorney had a new legal assistant and she was 
fabulous to work with.  My repore with her was very important to me.  Any 
questions I had she got the answers and responded immediately.  She also had 

the ability to give the pat on the back and the hug when you needed it most.