Everyone has temper tantrums once in
a while. I have been known to have a few well -planned tantrums of my own
when I need to get my point across. But with our children tantrums are
a way of coping with the uncertainties of their early lives. We tend to
feel sad that the children came to us from unreliable and unstable bio
parents. We tend to want to undo the early hurts and make up to the child
for past pain we did not cause. That tends to make us second-guess our
natural instincts when dealing with behavior issues like temper tantrums.
By all means we must get the children psychological help when needed, but
in the meantime we must treat unacceptable behavior issues with consistency
and firmness. Here are 5 strategies for dealing with tantrums.
1. Never give in!
When you get to the point where you feel like
giving in stop. Giving a person what he or she wants in response to a tantrum
teaches him or her that tantrums work. It’s like rewarding bad behavior.
No matter how disturbing the tantrum is to everyone involved, don’t do
it.
2. Head a tantrum off at the source! Learn to
recognize the things that set off tantrums and avoid them. Children are
more prone to tantrums when they are sick, tired, wound up, and bored.
Plan trips to the store when your child is fed rested and content.
3. Explain before you get to the store what you
are willing to give and what will happen if he or she asks for more. Some
days when I am feeling like Danni needs a little reward we go to the store
and I say, “You may get one toy that is $10 or less.”. Other times when
I am short on cash I say. “We are going to the store to get milk. I have
no money for anything else. If you ask I will not only say no but you will
lose desert tonight.”
4. Do not respond to tantrums. Say nothing until
the child has calmed down. Trying to talk to an out of control person is
fruitless. After the child has calmed down is the time to talk about what
happened and what could have been done differently.
5. Have a “Tantrum Safe Place”. Set up a
place in where a child can kick scream and otherwise go wild but not hurt
himself or others. Remove all objects that can become missiles.
If and when a tantrum erupts promptly pick up the child, deposit him in
the safe area without speaking to him and stand guard at the door to prevent
escape.
