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GrandsPlace News - April 2006
Raising A Child With Street Smarts
We all would like to raise our children in a sheltered world where we
could keep all the bad and ugly truths away from them but we can’t. All
we can do is arm our children with the truth and the tools necessary to
protect themselves. We call those tools Street Smarts.
What are child predators?
Child predators are people in this world that hurt children. Many of
those people are from our own families and people we think we know. Others
lurk on the street, in our schools and on the Internet. A child predator
can be a child, teen, adult, or senior citizen. They use power, control,
and complete dominion that can escalate to include violence and murder
of the victim. A child predator may romance the child to gain his or her
trust before they pounce or attack a child out of the blue. A child predator
uses a child for his or her own gratification, be it sexual or the need
for violence. A bully is just as much a child predators as a child molester.
What Are Street Smarts?
Street Smarts are the best weapon we have to give out kids a chance
at protecting themselves from child predators that are bigger and stronger
than they are. They are the rules, warnings and strategies that our children
should be taught for survival. Just as we give the child a coat to ward
off winter’s chill we must give our children Street Smarts to ward off
predators.
How Can I Teach My Child Street Smarts?
The first step is vigilance. Your eyes and ears are the best
protection for children. Children should never be alone in outside their
homes. Small children under age six should be attached to an adult in public
by holding hands or strapped into their stroller. In so many cases of tragedy
with a child the caregiver said, “I only looked away for a moment.” Give
them the room to run and grow in safe places but don’t take your eyes off
them. Older children may play semi-unsupervised in their yards and neighborhood
but they should always have a friend with them. Lone children make better
targets for child predators than groups of children. The responsible adult
must check in with the child frequently.
One modern convenience nine-year-old Danni uses is a cell phone. If
she is out of our sight she can check in hourly and if she forgets we can
call her. If she is off on a visit she can use her cell phone to call us
if she feels uncomfortable.
Know where your child is and who he or she is with at all times.
When not with parents, grandparents or other caregivers children should
be playing with kids their in own age group. Be suspicious if a much
older child or adult wants to spend unsupervised time with your child.
The next step is to set rules and boundaries. Teach your child
that rules and boundaries are for safety. Small children should play in
their own back yards. Expand the boundaries as the child grows and shows
responsibility. Retract the boundaries if the child breaks the safety rules.
I always told Danni that keeping her safe was more important than keeping
her happy. Safety rules should beset in stone, no exceptions and non-negotiable.
Some suggested safety rules for children old enough to play with limited
supervision are;
1. Never walk alone. Teach your child that there is
safety in numbers. Teach her that if one child is in danger or feels uncomfortable
its good to have a friend that can get you to help.
2. Never talk to strangers. Teach your child that much older
children and adults never need help from children. Teach the child to take
three steps back and to call out to an adult when approached by a stranger.
I taught Danni that it was all right to call out “MOM” even if she knew
I was not nearby. Danni knows I am not there but a child predator does
not and might be scared away. Teach the child to grab her playmates hand
and run if the stranger keeps approaching. Teach the child to scream if
touched by a stranger or any adult that makes them uncomfortable.
3. Never take candy, food or gifts from adults without checking
with you first. Even if it’s kind old Mrs. Jones down the street or Uncle
Joe its better to check with their parent, grandparent or caregiver first.
Responsible adults may think it a silly rule but will understand you are
just trying to keep the child safe. Be suspicious of those that do not
understand.
4. Never enter someone’s house without permission. It’s a parent’s,
grandparent’ or other caregiver’s responsibility to check out the homes
your child is allowed in. Get to know your child’s friends and their families.
Check to see if there are weapons in the home and how they are secured.
Get a feeling for what kind of people they are. Teach your child how to
politely refuse going inside strange houses.
5. Play in well lit open and public areas. Staying in sight
of the public helps deters child predators. It also offers an avenue of
help if the child feels in danger. A kid or two alone walking through an
alley or taking a shortcut through the woods is a target for danger. Remember
that child predators want to do their nasty deeds in private.
6. Never get into any car without approval. Set a code word
only you and your child know in case Aunt Sarah has to pick her up from
school or activities unexpectedly. The rule is “No code word No go”. Once
inside a moving vehicle a child has little means for escape. Teach a child
to scream run fight kick bite go for the eyes and do whatever he or she
must to avoid being forced into a vehicle. Teach the child that even if
the person has a gun or other weapon that it’s harder to hit a moving target
than a still one. Teach him to run in a zig-zag pattern screaming at the
top of his lungs. Teach the child that if a car is slowly approaching
her to turn and run in the opposite direction. It’s easier to turn a person
around than a vehicle.
7. Never let anyone cross personal boundaries. Have your child
spread his arms as wide as he can and teach him that the space he created
is his personal boundaries. Teach him that no one has the right to invade
his personal space without his permission. Teach him how to back off himself
and tell others to back off if his personal space feels violated. Children
should not be forced to be affectionate in the name of politeness. Hugging
and kissing departing relatives might seem nice but forcing a child to
do this sends the message that personal boundaries can be crossed in the
name of politeness. I would rather Danni be thought rude that to let her
think her personal space is allowed to be violated by people we know. Think
about it. How many abused children were forced to kiss & hug Uncle
Yucky good-bye before people found out he was a child predator?
8. Give your child safe spots. Get to know people within your
child’s boundaries that your child can run to for help. Teach your child
who to run to. If in a public place such as a mall or movie theater tell
him or her to go to a Mommy with children if the child becomes lost or
scared. Teach him that the nearest adult is not always the best person
to help. Teach him or her to make mental notes of the safe spots on the
child’s route.
9. Always tell a trusted adult if you are being bullied or someone
hurts you or makes you uncomfortable. Teach your child that you will back
him or her up in difficult situations and that it is your job to decide
is things are appropriate or not. Teach him to tell you about bullies at
school even if they are bothering someone else. Teach him to stand up to
bullies and say no but if he feels his safety is threatened to give up
the item the bully wants, tell and you will deal with the bully later.
Make sure to win your child’s trust by dealing with it quickly. Teach the
child that bad people lie and that no matter what the threat a child predator
applies to the child or people the child loves you will protect him or
her.
10. Teach your child that his body belongs to him or her. Explain
that certain parts of the body are private and that no one may look at
or touch them except the child or the doctor. We taught Danni that any
part that is covered by underwear or a bathing suit is private. Teach the
child to say NO loudly and to pull away if anyone attempts to look at or
tries to touch her in a way that makes her uncomfortable. We taught her
that clothing is a safety barrier to keep people away from her private
parts. She has been taught that no one can ask her to undress in front
of them and that she has the right and responsibility to refuse. Any child
old enough to dress and undress him or her self should be afforded the
opportunity to do so in private.
11. Never get into an enclosed space such and an elevator
or public bathroom with a stranger inside without a trusted adult by your
side. It’s better to wait for the next elevator or until the area is empty
than to risk danger. When in public you should use a family rest room or
opposite sex parents grandparents and other caretakers should stand outside
the door if a child needs to use a rest room.
12. Teach your child how to get away. If the child is by a stranger
teach the child to go for the eyes, the groin, and other sensitive areas
of the predators body. Teach children that is only all right to hurt a
person that is trying to them. Teach the child how to go limp and fall
to the ground to break the hold of the child predator then to run. Teach
the child to scream loudly as he or she tries to get away. Teach the child
not to stop screaming until he or she is safe. Screaming things like “Somebody
help! This is not my father!” are effective. Teach the child that
if a predator manages to get them into a car or secluded and confined space
to look around for escape routes, weapons and other means to get free.
It’s better to break a leg jumping from a moving vehicle than to risk worse
harm from the predator. Teach the child to make a break for it when the
vehicle slows for traffic. Teach him or her to stand up in the car
and do all in his or her power to attract attention to him or her selves.
If the child is held in a trunk teach him or her to use tools or their
foot to break out a taillight and wave and hand or foot outside the vehicle
to attract attention from the police or other drivers.
Once you have set your rules and boundaries and your child understand
that they are ways to keep him or her safe you need to make them second
nature. To help your child understand and know what to do in risky situations
I suggest role-playing games such as the following.
Situation: Adult Asks Child For Help
Teach the child that adults never need help from a child. Teach him
or her that if asked to say no and get you. Teach him or her that if the
adult really needs help they will wait for you to come and if it’s a “Bad
guy” he will be gone when you get there. Pretend you are the bad guy and
let your child show you what he or she will do in a dangerous situation.
Adult: Little girl can you help me find my kitty? She’s lost.
Child takes three steps back and is ready to scream and run
Child: NO but I’ll get my Mom.
Child ends conversation and runs for an adult.
Situation: A bully demands your cell phone.
Teach the child to stand up to bullies and not to give in to threats
or demands. Teach him or her how to say No and mean it. Teach the child
it is not rude to walk or run away from bullies. It’s smart. Also teach
them that in situations where the child cannot get away and feels in danger
to give up the object and get to a trusted adult as fast as possible. Tell
him or her that a cell phone or other possession is replaceable but that
he or she is not.
Bully: Hey kid I want that cell Phone.
Child takes three steps back and is ready to scream and run
Child: No. Sorry but I’m not allowed to let other people use it.
Bully: If you don’t give me that phone I’m gonna pound the crap out
of your face.
Child: Hey I’m outta here.
Child runs to a place where there is help, tells a trusted adult
that goes back and deal with the bully.
Most of the time the bully will not follow the child and go pick on
someone weaker. Role-play further as if the bully pursued the child and
grabbed him.
Child Screaming: Stop! Help! Let go! Leave me alone!
Child twists and tries to get free
Bully: Give me that phone!
Child Screaming: Here take it then!
Child gives up the object, elbows the bully in the mid section and
goes limp. He falls to the ground to break the bully’s hold. Gets away
and runs for help.
Situation: A bully is bothering someone else at recess.
One way to stay safe is to eliminate the problem of bullying by making
sure all known bullies are dealt with properly. That bully may be bothering
someone else but he or she could go after your kid next. Teach your child
that if they see someone being bullied and there is no adult around to
grab a friend and go stand with the child being bullied. Teach the child
that bullies rarely bother a child that is not alone.
Child sees second grader Eathan being accosted by a 6th grader. He
grabs his friend Tyler and runs to Eathan’s side. He and his friend each
stand next to Eatan facing the bully.
Child: Hey Eathan Whats up? Come on, lets play on the swings.
Your child and his friend lead Ethan away from the bully to safety
and tell a teacher what they saw happening.
Use role-play games to drive home all the safety points you want to
teach your children. Make them fun with the reward at the end being that
your child bested the person bigger and stronger than him or her.
Laughing comments at the end such as “Well I guess you know how to show
that one he can’t fool you!” encourage your child to use the skills you
are teaching.
You don’t need to frighten your child or give him the idea that the
world is a terrible place to teach Street Smarts. We taught Danni that
the world is a beautiful place and that most of the people are nice but
that some people like to hurt children and that she needed to be aware
of the things that are dangerous and that there are things she can do to
help us keep her safe. We taught her that her safety is everyone’s responsibility
but mostly hers. By giving her the tools to stay street safe we empower
her not to be afraid but to be alert.
The GrandsPlace Virtual Quilt
Do you and your children feel alone? Does your child think its weird to
live with grandparents and other kinship caregivers? Then view the GrandsPlace
Virtual Quilt. This Online quilt has the names of over 3,000 children living
with grandparents I special others. It is living proof that lots of children
do not live with parents. to see the GrandsPlace Virtual Quilt log on to
http://grandsplace.org/quilt2/quilt.html
To have your child's name on our quilt send an e-mail to kathy@grandsplace.org
Is Your Computer Infected With Spyware?
What Is Spyware?
Is your computer acting like it has a mind
of its own? You might be infected with Spyware. When you go online,
you may be monitored, tracked, and profiled without your knowledge or permission.
Hackers, advertisers, and other reptiles may use Web bugs, spyware, cookies,
worms, ads and scripts to gain access to your personal information and
invade your privacy.
These spyware programs can change your home
page or your search page, cause pop up ads, and generally make your online
experience a living hell. Some have written me and complained that their
computers were suddenly showing disgusting porn on the home page or in
pop up windows. If you have ever encountered a never ending porn pop up
you know how horrid that can be. The more you close ten more porn windows
pop up and the only way to stop them is to shut down the computer.
But the good news is that you can get rid of
spyware easily if you know how. This article will teach you.
How Did I Get It?
Some spyware infections come from your e-mail
or by simply browsing the Internet. Sometimes an image in e-mail or on
a web page contains a program that downloads a spyware program when the
image loads. (My Norton Internet Security 2005 program blocks all
ad images so that I am protected from this type of infection) Other
spyware is installed on your computer when you download music, images,
games, and other files. It’s a good idea to download any programs to a
special file, (I call that DOWNLOADS) and then scan the file before installing
it on your hard drive. A two-minute scan can save you hours of work getting
rid of virus and spyware later.
Yikes! How Do I get Rid Of It?
Use care when choosing an anti-spyware program. Some just plain do
not work and others add more spyware to your computer. For my own computers
I use Norton Internet Security 2005. This program is an all around
pop up blocker, spyware remover, anti virus program, firewall etc. and
does a great job of protecting my computers. You can get it in stores ($58
at Cosco) or on line ($69) by logging on to Symantec’s site at http://www.symantecstore.com/dr/sat1/ec_MAIN.Entry10?V1=641229&PN=1&SP=10023&xid=27674&CID=0&DSP=&CUR=840&PGRP=0&CACHE_ID=0
There are many anti-spyware programs out there on the net. recommend
avoiding cheaper products promoted in ads that appear designed to increase
your anxiety level, such as pop-up ads that look similar to Windows dialog
boxes. Some pop up ads may suggest to you that it has already scanned your
system and found spyware when in reality it has done nothing. Avoid companies
that use your own fear and deception to try and sell you their products.
Instead try using a combination of FREE spyware removers
first. You can download Spybot by logging on to http://www.pcworld.com/downloads/file_download.asp?fid=22262&fileidx=1
And you can download Ad-Aware SE Personal by logging on to http://www.pcworld.com/downloads/file_download.asp?fid=7423&fileidx=1
Using both these Free programs at the same time may solve your
problems. You just need to remember to run both of them at least once a
week.
Sometimes a FREE program will not solve your problems.
Other good commercial programs are Norton Internet Security 2006
McAfee Internet Security 2006 and PestPatrol for Home Users.
You CAN get control of your computer back from the Aliens.
Don't let marketing tactics scare you into paying for an anti-spyware product
that may not do as good a job of protecting your PC as a free application.
It pays to do a little homework before you punch in those credit card numbers.
