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GrandsPlace News - March 2006
Letting Go
By Kathy ReynoldsThere are people in our lives that cause us so much pain chaos and fear that we might find ourselves stressed and depressed. Those are people that we need to let go of. Often in order to protect our grandchildren we need to let go of our own child. Ending a relationship with someone we love but who has become toxic to our well-being is not easy but it is necessary. Letting go does not have to be permanent. We might just need to let go so that the person causing us pain can recover and become a functioning part of our family again.
For years I tried to take charge of my daughters addiction. I though being a good mother to her meant I had to control and protect her from all the evil in this world. When I finally crossed the enough bridge and decided to let go, my daughter became responsible for dealing with her own demons. She soon decided that it was too much trouble facing the consequences of her actions without me to bail her out and decided to go into recovery instead. For my daughter my letting go was a gift to both of us. She is now well and part of the good things in my family.
I set her free and she came back to me.Love
Let go with love. Though this may seem to you the most impossible emotion to experience in the first stages of letting go, it is it is what you need when you realize that love is the key to the self control self needed to let go. Love is what got you here and love is the power that will lead you to the meaningful resolution of your situation.
This decision to love must first take effect with yourself. You need to let go of the pain guilt and self-defeating emotions that hold back from making proper decisions regarding your relationship. Stop asking why this person you once loved has behaved in a way that has hurt you. Stop asking what you did to deserve this treatment.
Next acknowledge the love you have for the person you must separate from. We can accept that that person is toxic to our families and ourselves even when we love him or her. When my daughter was in the throes of addiction it was better for both of us to love from a distance without much contact. I decided to love her for what she was and forgive her for what she was not. It’s better to spend time remembering the things that unite you than to dwell on those things that divide you.
Acknowledge the love you have for the child you care for and remember the fact that the person you are letting go is responsible for the child being alive and in your care. You might silently thank them for giving you such a gift.
Letting go with love can bring you peace.Strength
The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all hurt. Now that you have made the decision to let go, be constantly aware that you have within you the strength to carry out that decision in such a way that what lies ahead of you can only lead to success. Your own inner resources provided you with the capacity for going through with the only course which could lead you to a more meaningful direction for your life. Be convinced that the same inner strength which has brought you this far will continue to enable you to take charge of your life.
Be steadfast in your determination to avoid playing the role of victim or martyr. Think of the worst possible scenario in connection with letting go. Is it that bad? With perseverance you will see your way through all the decisions necessary for getting where you need to be.
Walk forward courageously.Believe
The measure of success you achieve in the process of letting go will be determined to a great degree by your belief system. They are the foundation upon which you build your future. You must always be sure that the beliefs which form the base of your decisions and actions are strong enough to provide support for the directions in which you are going. Let no one intimidate you. You will get all sorts of advice from others that think they know better than you, but the decision to let go has to be yours alone. Hold onto those convictions that enable you to maintain a sense of self-worth and allow you to control your own destiny.
Let your beliefs lead you in the right direction.Fear
Be not afraid. Fear is the thing that controls so many of the bad things in our life. Often we fear letting go because the familiar may be bad but the unknown might be worse. The toxic people in our lives use fear as a weapon. Usually those threats are born from the fear the toxic person has inside him or herself. Disarm him or her by refusing to give in to fear. Think of the risks you run if you allow unrealistic fears to block your determination to see your way through this.
Confront those fears that do have true substance. Look at them honestly and determine the course of action within your power for resolving them. These fears should be thought of as a challenge that you are more than prepared to meet. Even when the person is gone report any credible threat of harm to themselves or others to the police. Not only does this offer you some protection but leaves a paper trail that might come in handy in court.
No one can sustain a life lived in fear.The Future
With every form of adversity comes the seed of an equal or greater benefit. Look upon your future as the bright outcome of the storm you are living through during this time. All bad things come to an end. The pain and chaos the toxic person brings to your life will not last forever.
The future will be happier. Make this your guiding principle. Think of things to come. Understand that if you have been capable of getting through the chaos of this situation, you are that much more prepared to be the master of what lies ahead of you.Sometimes letting go is the way to hold on.
The GrandsPlace Virtual Quilt Do you and your children feel alone? Does your child think its weird to live with grandparents and other kinship caregivers? Then view the GrandsPlace Virtual Quilt. This Online quilt has the names of over 3,000 children living with grandparents I special others. It is living proof that lots of children do not live with parents. to see the GrandsPlace Virtual Quilt log on to http://grandsplace.org/quilt2/quilt.html
To have your child's name on our quilt send an e-mail to kathy@grandsplace.org
Cookies And Spam And Virus Oh My!
By Kathy ReynoldsCookies are small text files deposited by web sites on a visitor's computer to permit the web site to "remember" the visitor. Some cookies are useful to the consumer because they can remember passwords to frequently visited sites such as the GrandsPlace chat room and message boards. Cookies can also be useful for us when we shop online at the same place such as Amazon. They can “remember” our info so we do not have to type it in at each shopping session. (NOTE: GrandsPlace does not use cookies to track or collect any information from our users.)
Cookies can be bad things too. They can invade our rights to privacy if they are embedded with tracking software that can track a users web surfing habits even after they leave the web site. Some hidden cookies are programmed in a way that uses stealth methods like being embedded into an image on a web site or e-mail. Some even are embedded into a transparent gif on web sites or e-mail message. Some really nasty people will even embed images with virus files. Unscrupulous people to collect e-mail addresses in order to sell them to spam lists can use a cookie. (A transparent gif is an invisible image you cannot see. Some really nasty people will even embed images with virus files. I do use transparent gifs on the GrandsPlace Web site as place-holders but they do not contain cookies or other software.)
To deal with cookies properly set your web browser to either disable all cookies or to ask you if you want to accept the cookie and continue browsing the page or e-mail. To manage cookies in Internet Explorer open your browser, go to the top tool bar and choose “TOOLS”, scroll down and choose “Internet Options,”, click the “PRIVACY” tab, then click the button that says “ADVANCED”. Check the box that says “Override automatic cookie handling”. Change all the options to “PROMPT” Click okay. A box will pop up and ask if you want to change your settings. Click Yes. Close the Internet Options window and you are done. What doing these steps will do is set your computer to ask you if you want to accept or deny any cookie a web site tries to put on your computer. If it is a cookie you want say yes, if not say no. It’s one way to protect your privacy and your computer from prying eyes and to reduce the amount of Spam you get in your inbox.
GrandsPlace Chat Room Want to "talk" live in real time with grandparents and other kinship caregivers that are living the same life as you? Join us in the GrandsPlace Chat Room! Some of us are just starting this new adventure of parenting again and others are old hands at it. This is the place to come laugh and cry, to find answers to your questions, get sympathy and advice when you are down and celebrate your successes with people that understand. Chatting is free and easy. Hope to see you there!Chats are held nightly at 9 pm easter standard time. Join us by logging on to http://grandsplace.org/gp2/chat.html or http://grandsplace.org/gp2/chat.html. Both sites will take you to the same chat room. For people like me that are time zone challenged it's:
9pm Eastern time
8pm Central time
7pm Mountain time
6pm Pacific timeShhhhh Don't tell any one but GrandsPlace just got a face lift. The whole site has been redesigned to be easier to use and faster loading. Check us out! http://grandsplace.org
Happenings Around GrandsPlaceGrandsPlace has a twin sister.. Announcing the launch of http://grandsplace.org/ We created a mirror site so that if one site goes our readers will be able to access the resources information and support we all count on. GrandsPlace.org is hosted on the east coast and GrandsPlace.Org is hosted on the west coast.
New Prayer page has been installed. We have gone to a message board format to ask for prayers and read them to pray for others. This new format will allow users to post their own prayers instead of waiting till I have time to upload them.
Grands Week 2006 will be held the week of July 4th in Georgia. It is a week long get together of grandfamilies and other kinship caregivers. Mark your calendars..
Going down to once a month... Due to time constraints and brain drain I will only be publishing GrandsPlace News once a month. I am running out of ideas of things to write about. If you have any ideas on things you would like me to write about or if you would like to submit your own original unpublished article on topics related to children, parenting grandparents and other kin-caregivers please send them to me at kathy@grandsplace.org We do not have money to pay authors but we do give credit and appreciation.
Recipe Of The Month
Chicken Potpie
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Household Hints - Uses for Fabric Softener Sheets *Repels mosquitoes. Tie a sheet of Bounce through a belt loop when outdoors during mosquito season.
*Eliminates static electricity from your television screen. Since Bounce is designed to help eliminate static cling, wipe your television screen with a used sheet of Bounce to keep dust from resettling.
*Dissolves soap scum from shower doors. Clean with a used sheet of Bounce.
*Freshens the air in your home. Place an individual sheet of Bounce in a drawer or hang one in the closet.
*Prevents thread from tangling. Run a threaded needle through a sheet of Bounce to eliminate the static cling on the thread before sewing.
*Eliminates static cling from hose. Rub a damp, used sheet of Bounce over the hose.
*Prevents musty suitcases. Place an individual sheet of Bounce inside empty luggage before storing.
*Freshens the air in your car. Place a sheet of Bounce under the front seat.
*Cleans baked-on food from a cooking pan. Put a sheet in the pan, fill with water, let sit overnight, and sponge clean. The antistatic agents apparently weaken the bond between the food and the pan while the fabric softening agents soften the baked-on food.
*Eliminates odors in wastebaskets. Place a sheet of Bounce at the bottom of the wastebasket.
*Collects cat hair. Rubbing the area with a sheet of Bounce will magnetically attract all the loose hairs.
*Eliminates static electricity from Venetian blinds. Wipe the blinds with a sheet of Bounce to prevent dust from resetting.
*Deodorizes shoes or sneakers. Place a sheet of Bounce in your shoes or sneakers overnight so they'll smell great in the morning.
Great Sites To Visit
For Little Kids For Big Kids For Grown up Kids Charlote Bear's Magical Kingdom
Stories
http://www.charlottebear.co.uk/story.htm#Gnorman, the story telling Gnome will be telling you some good old favourite stories as well as new stories about the Magical Kingdom.
Lilo And Stitch The Series
http://psc.disney.go.com/disneychannel/liloandstitch/index.htmlOfficial Disney Channel site for Lilo & Stitch: The Series. Play games, get info on the experiments, send postcards to your friends, and e-mail your favorite characters!
ZOOM KIDS
http://pbskids.org/zoom/Fun, games and learning from the hit PBS show ZOOM
Homework Spot
http://www.homeworkspot.com/Homework help, Sicence fair Ideas and more from Homework Spot.
Grand Boomers
http://www.grandboomers.com/This site is dedicated to building a loving relationship between grandparents and their grandchildren.
Grandparents Magazine
http://www.grandparentsmagazine.net/Want to know the fashion trends before buying a granddaughter new boots? Can't remember the lyrics to your favorite children's song? Product reviews, gift ideas, ways to make the most of Disney World.
I wish you love Love is what can heal all wounds of the heart. I wish love of family, friends and community to all that read this newsletter. May people in your life that have falen by the wayside return in love and may you accept that love without fear.
Copyright © 1996,1997,1998,1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006 all rights reserved. All materials in this web site and newsletters are the exclusive property of GrandsPlace and nothing contained herein may be used without the express permission of the owners. For permission to reprint please contact kathy@grandsplace.org